Some Good, Some Bad

Current Weight: 169
Goal Weight: 150 by March 27 (but ultimately 135)

I want to start by saying thank you to all my friends and family for your encouraging words and messages. I really appreciate all the support, I truly believe it is what will get me through this process. Especially thanks to my sister, who endured 30 minutes worth of texts when I freaked out after I posted this blog - and called what I did "ballsy".

Also, and many of you will not be suprised, I broke down and told Lee about the blog. I just cannot keep a secret from him, especially one that seems so important right now. However, he does not know the name or website of the blog, and he has promised not to look at it (and, being the stand up guy that he is, he means it).

So now for my day. As you can see by the title, there were some good things that happened, and some bad...or shall we say, areas for improvement?

The Good
I woke up at 5:15 and went to my Crossfit workout.
While at my workout, I asked for more weight on my squat lifts (because frankly it felt way too light).
I also ran 800 meters 4 times, with my best time being 5:11, not too bad for a cold day.
I had egg whites for breakfast, made by my rockstar fiance.
I drank a lot of water throughout the day.
I finally broke 170, after almost a month. Down to 169.

The Bad
I made a terrible choice at lunch. To be honest, I was not going to tell you about it-which completely defeats the purpose of this blog. It does not do me any good to lie to all of you and say that I followed my diet today, when I didn't. So here it is; I started my 2 hour lunch break with the best of intentions. I had a 5 dollar gift card to a nice grocery store, and I planned to use it for brown rice sushi, a salad, or a veggie sandwich. I picked out a veggie sandwich and a liter of water (cost to me, 31 cents, yay!) and headed back to the office. I went to the break room, and there on the table were leftovers from the classroom holiday parties. Chips (which naturally go perfect with a sandwich, right?) and my favorite cookies. Needless to say, my willpower did not survive 2 hours sitting next to those cookies. I should have moved them, or walked away, but somehow that is difficult for me.

These poor decisions never cease to amaze me, but despite the blog, here they come again. 4 cookies later I felt absolutely ill. It was about that time I read a few messages I received on facebook from my friends. One message listed a quote that I recently heard attributed to Kate Moss (gag) but nevertheless it holds some wisdom, especially in my case: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." I do not take this to mean that one should never eat to remain thin, as Kate likely did, but I felt it gave me a lot of prespective. There is nothing I could eat that would make me as happy as being thin on my wedding day. Nothing. I am really going to try to remember this everytime I sit down for a meal. Not so that I can pass on meals altogether, but so I can keep in perspective that food should not control my emotions, as it is a short term good feeling, immediately followed by guilt and self-loathing, whereas being fit and healthy can provide a long term positive emotion, without the emotional crash afterward.

If anyone else has any thoughts on this, I'd love to hear them. This is definately where my struggle lies.

xoxox Andrea